Welcome to the True Radiance Blog Tour! Today, I’m talking with Lisa Mladinich, the author of True Radiance: Finding Grace in the Second Half of Life , a new book about how prayerful women increase in authentic feminine beauty as they mature spiritually. Last week I featured her as my Pick-of-the-Week on Catholic Weekend #292, and today I share our recent conversation.
Maria: Lisa, Chapter Eight of your book is called, Culture Shock: Some Roadblocks to Peace and How to Avoid Them. What are some of the problems in our culture that make it hard for women to find peace?
Lisa: In my book, I identify three main obstacles to finding peace in our lives–which can be applied to men, as well as women: the over-use of technology, the increasing demands of our lives as we mature, and the problem of impurity that is so rampant in our culture.
Maria: I can relate to the pull of technology in my own life. What are some of the problems women are facing in a technological world, and what can we do about them?
Lisa: Social technologies like phones and computers have been shown to increase anxiety in regular users, in part because the flickering screens over-stimulate the brain in a unique way. Over-use can become addictive and cause us to withdraw from healthy human interactions, creating feelings of isolation and helplessness. Excessive screen time can also make it harder to sleep at night, and if the exhaustion becomes chronic, can lead to depression. It can be devastating to our prayer lives, as well, since our distracted minds have trouble settling and focusing anywhere else. It’s critical that we create boundaries for ourselves, so that our human and supernatural relationships can continue to thrive. Limit screen time and get out and get social. Enjoy nature. Chat with your family. Get out of the virtual world and back into your life. Technology is a wonderful thing–in moderation.
Maria: You talk about the pace and pressure of women’s lives. Give some specifics.
Lisa: In the second half of life, women’s lives tend to get very complicated, and the pace of our lives increases, just as we may be craving a little down-time. We may have dreams of an idyllic retirement, but our lives can change rapidly in unexpected ways–from changes in our health or the health of a loved one to the shifting needs of our adult children and aging parents. It’s very helpful for women past mid-life to dig deep into their trust in God, take time for prayer, and ask for help when they need it.
Asking for help is hard for women, but we simply must humble ourselves and admit we can’t do it all. Struggling to find time to pray is probably the most troubling outcome of increasing demands, but it’s essential to stay on top of it. The self-mortification needed to soldier on under the burden of so many demands can be a pathway to profound sanctification, if we embrace it and release our need to be in control. Getting down on our knees in humility is the first step toward greater joy and peace in the midst of it all.
Maria: I enjoyed the section on the impurity of our culture. We so often think it’s a man problem. Speak to that issue and how it relates to women.
Lisa: Our society is aggressively exploitive of human sexuality, with pornography already at epidemic proportions among men–and women–and cases of full-blown addiction increasingly common.
The problem of impurity is more complex than the others I mentioned. It’s very interesting to me because it was such an issue for me personally, before my conversion in 1992. Back when my life hit rock bottom and I was ready to chuck religion altogether, I was mired in a sort of ordinary impurity that didn’t trouble me–until my spiritual life imploded.
The words I used, the books I read, and the movies I watched were all pretty commonplace for my generation, culturally, but they mired my life in darkness and created what I like to call “spiritual static.” Since Jesus is the Most Pure Lamb of God who speaks very gently, the spiritual noise of impurity can drown out the voice of Christ in our souls.
In 1992, since I couldn’t hear God’s voice at all, I was deeply embittered and in a state of despair. My life came crashing down around my ears because I truly believed that God had abandoned me, and I didn’t know where else to turn for comfort and guidance. In my book, I tell how God sent Our Lady to draw me back to Jesus, through a series of encounters with women that I still like to think of as the beads of a Rosary. Mary came and got me, essentially, and my return to the sacraments saved my life.
I really can’t thank Jesus enough for giving us the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Matthew 18:18), because my life really started to heal when I learned to love going to confession. Mind you, I don’t really LOVE confessing my sins. It’s embarrassing and awkward, and it can be a real struggle to examine my conscience honestly. But the sacramental graces have enormous healing power. If more people understood this, their lives would be transformed.
The importance of confessing our sins, especially of impurity, can’t be over-estimated.
Maria: You point out in your book that impurity makes us selfish and encourages us to objectify others for our own use, so it creates a wedge in our human relationships. Here’s one of my favorite quotes from Chapter Eight: Culture Shock:
Contrary to the popular lie that indulging in impure behavior, media, or thinking is nothing more than harmless recreation, impurity is incredibly destructive…Objectifying other human beings for our own amusement makes us self-centered and diminishes our ability to feel compassion and empathy for others. Purity, on the other hand, is a gateway into the presence of God, who is the very perfection of holy purity and compassion. The more we grow in purity, the closer we draw to Divine Love; therefore, where our own purity increases, so does our capacity to love.” (True Radiance, p. 120)
Lisa: Yes, and the Catechism of the Catholic Church (2531) teaches us that purity aids us in seeing God and seeing things “according to God.” It’s one of the cornerstones of a virtuous life, and we should really pray about it and ask Our Lady to gently guide us in cleaning up our act. With our society blasting its tawdry messages 24/7, that’s challenging. But God will not be outdone in generosity, and every small movement we make to draw nearer to him will be greatly rewarded with graces and blessings.
In the process of cleaning up your own act, be gentle with the people in your life, as you set a good example.
Women are guardians of culture, tradition, and beauty. The authentic feminine gifts of mature women are essential to the health of Church and society. Let’s not be afraid to be prophets in our own families and communities and speak up about the need for greater purity. Don’t let anyone marginalize you. The second half can truly be the best time of our lives.
Lisa Mladinich is a Catholic wife and mom, an author and workshop leader, and the founder of AmazingCatechists.com.
True Radiance: Finding Grace in the Second Half of Life can be purchased here.