This is my baby. He is a study in contrasts. And he likes to roar and break things with his might.
blessings in unexpected places
You know that sit-com cliché where the main character goes to the dentist because a filling is picking up a radio signal? Yeah. That’s not me. But I do have a lot of noise in my head and I wish it was as easy as replacing a filling to fix it. In fact, I’d succumb to a root canal to get rid of some of the static.
Before you think my mental health is in peril – let me just say that it’s not. Or at least, not too much, anyway. I heard somewhere that if you think you’re going crazy then you probably aren’t. I hold onto that comforting thought. It’s … comforting.
Because you know, there’s a lot of noise clamoring for attention in my head. On a good day I’ve got Leonard Bernstein conducting a delightfully disciplined orchestra with lots of soothing strings and soulful woodwinds. It has to be Bernstein for his theatrics – is there such a thing as a head-banging orchestra? Because on a bad day I have Sid Vicious and the Sex Pistols. That’s not even music … just noise. It makes me want to run away.
I find peace in a rather odd place. When Sid bumps Lenny out of the spotlight, I generally head for Taco Bell where I grab a burrito or a couple of tacos and eat my lunch across from the back view of Stone Mountain. Don’t read anything into that view, although in retrospect it’s probably nice to just see the mountain and not the sculpture – let’s call it a little more natural (and a little less political).
It’s not a particularly splendid place, this parking lot with a view, but it’s quiet and away from the hustle and bustle of my busy day. I enjoy my faux-Mexican meal in peace — after all, it is peace that I am seeking.
I’ve been doing this for exactly five years.
Let me just say that I am absolutely blown away by that realization. A lot of things have happened in five years. Holy cow! A lot of things have happened in five years. I’d say the majority has been good, and some bad, but I’m thankful for it all. The thing is this, I’ve been so focused on getting away from the noise, which by the way is made by people, that I totally ignore people in my escape.
That was part of my realization today. I’ve been working at the same place for five years, and getting lunch from the same place for five years. From the same person. For five years.
I was going to get depressed that I was in the very same position I accepted years ago when I realized that the woman who always takes my order has worked at a drive-thru window for at least five years, if not more, and I’m going to say, it made me a little sad. I suppose she trumps me in the lack of upward mobility department.
I’ve seen this woman at least 200 times and I don’t know her name. She’s friendly and courteous, and I am polite to her and always say please and thank you, but I’ve never really seen her. I just go through the motions on my way to what I think is going to give me some peace in the middle of the week.
Not today. For some reason, today I decided to be present in that exchange. It went the same way the last 200 or so transactions have gone. I asked for a #3 with Baja Blast and she asked me if I wanted mild or hot sauce.
And then I paid attention to something she has said to me every time she hands the bag of food to me: Enjoy your meal and God bless you.
This woman whose name I do not know, whose smile I return absentmindedly, has given me this blessing every week since I started eating there.
I always find some peace in my busy schedule when I have lunch at what I’ve nicknamed the Rock. I’ve always thought it was because I managed to escape the throng of humanity making its insistent demands upon me.
It turns out that perhaps the peace I received came from the very segment of humanity I was running from. How’s that for a moment of truth?
yet another random question thingie
1. How old do you look? Old enough for the pimply teenager at the grocery store to give me a senior discount. I’m 48. I don’t mind rounding up to 50. I’m not a fan of being taken for 60. On the other hand, maybe I’ll start telling people I’m 60. Then, I’ll hang around long enough to overhear them say, “She looks damn good for 60!”
2. Where do you live? In a house, on a hill, beside a lake, beneath the trees.
3. Are you waiting for something? Always. I’m just not sure of what it is until it surprises me.
4. What’s one pet peeve of yours that is not common? Not common? I’m afraid I’m rather common — I hate traffic. I’m not a fan of taxes. Oh, well, there you have it. Taxes.
5. Do you want/have kids? Yes.
6. Have you ever thought about converting your religion? Converting my religion? It’s fine the way it is. It already has the fullness of Truth 🙂
7. Last shocking news you heard? I suppose it’s the whole Bin Laden thing. Or how much I paid for gas this morning.
8. What was the last thing you drank? Water. I know. I should have lied. I bought a bottle of Gewurztraminer tonight. I used to drink it all the time in spring and summer when I lived in Germany.
9. Who do you most look like in your family? I think I look an awful lot like my paternal grandmother. No doubt some family member will stumble upon this and disagree.
10. If you could have something right now, anything, what would it be? A massage. And that bottle of Gewurztraminer.
11. Where does most of your family live? A little south of here.
12. Where did you grow up? Here and there.
13. Where do you want to go on vacation? The moon. Or Rome.
14. Have you ever had a panic attack? Oh. Yes.
15. What can’t you wait for? Indeed, what can’t I wait for?
16. When’s the last time you told someone you loved him or her and meant it? About an hour ago. This morning. Yesterday afternoon. Some ungodly hour on Tuesday. All day Sunday. September 7, 1985.
17. Have your parents ever smoked pot? Holy smokes. Ha. Um. No?
18. Want someone back in your life? No. People have come in and out of my life when they were supposed to…why change things when they are going so swimmingly well.
19. What do you order at the bar? Yes. I mean, margaritas? Beer? Gin and tonic? Dirty martinis?
20. When was the last time you cried really, really hard? A couple of weeks ago.
21. Ever licked someone’s cheek? Yes. But there’s an explanation. There’s always an explanation.
22. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Jelly. Duh.
23. Where were you on July 4th, 2008? At home.
24. What are your nicknames? You know them. And if you don’t, I’m not telling.
25. If you could go back in time, how far back would you go? About 2000 years.