Category: worthy of mockery

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seriously? this is a little scary

We were actually encouraged to make this for our on-line classes. This is what I’d like to look like if I wasn’t gray and middle-aged. And fat. I’m sure my students will recognize me immediately if they saw me in the hall, doncha think?

And the voice sounds just like me, right? Next time I’m going to hire somebody to do some voiceover work for me, and a make-up guy, and a hair stylist. In the meantime, weird-animated me is making her world debut reciting one of her favorite poems.

Run away. There’s still time.

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Dear Son,

I paid your ticket today.

You’re welcome.

And I’m keeping your change.

I always enjoy a trip to the local constabulary, particularly when it is DeKalb County. The Flora and Fauna always entertain. Especially the Fauna.

I wonder when I ceased to be shocked by anything.  Still, it’s probably a good thing that I maintained an air of aloof disinterest when the enormous woman beside me pulled $600 in small bills out of her bra. I have to give credit to the male clerk who accepted the damp wad and calmly counted and made change.

I suppose we all have gifts.

Sincerely,

Your Loving Mother

P.S. Keep your nose clean. And go to church.

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there’s nothing like a good dare

I enjoy having fun as much as the next guy, especially if the next guy is…fun. Don’t worry about that double use of “fun” — there’s no redundancy in fun.

Anyway, as usual, the French have their panties (or maybe it’s their berets) in a wad over the whole Islamic religious head-covering thing. Evidently, they have banned these coverings. I’m wondering how that’s going to play out. That’s not me being snarky — that’s me really wondering. Cuz you know, I have a lot of Jewish friends who like their yarmulkes, and while I’m not partial to wearing a veil in church, it is certainly a part of my heritage. I wore a mantilla at my wedding.

So where is this going? Seems to me they opened the doors to their feared “watering down” of French culture, and now they wanna get those horses back in the barn? Good luck with that.

I suppose if I’m really being sympathetic I could say “Bon chance.”

Seems to me they’re missing out on a great opportunity to cash in on some new trends. Check this out:

The Laptop Burka

This product, designed to help shield you from the sun’s glare while enjoying the use of your laptop, seems like it should be a runaway hit. I wonder if I could use it to blend in while I secretly text my friends, eat a candybar while I’m on a diet, or maybe just pick my nose. Check it out here.

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