Insecurity

iInsecurity.

Some days I have it in spades.

Let me just say that as a writer, I live in the land of insecurity.

Do my readers get me? Did I communicate what I meant? Does anyone even read what I write?

Sometimes I feel like I’m driving in heavy traffic, talking to myself, and suddenly, the teen-aged version of me asks, “Are you talking to yourself?”

It’s that moment when I’m embarrassed and can still laugh at myself all at the same time. I think that part is important — the ability to laugh. Especially at myself.

I know deep down my insecurity is just a feeling that goes hand in hand with the creative process. I create something. I put it out there.  You judge it. It’s all very scary.

And it’s all about me. Insecurity is internal: it’s always about me, me, me! What if I take that insecurity and turn it inside out?

What if instead of me, I think of you? What if instead of being insecure and being self-absorbed in my perceived short-comings, I move that energy outward and inspire?

I like that a whole lot better. It takes the attention away from me and places it on you — to encourage you — to inspire you.

Because if I can take a risk and write, you can take a risk to do whatever it is you were meant to do.

Insecurity. Inspire.

 

 

Hope

hHope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

                         ~ Emily Dickinson

Goodness

gGoodness.

Don’t we all want it? Shouldn’t we all aspire to it?

I think too often we seek it in ways that will benefit us —  we try to internalize good for ourselves. One more slice of that delicious pie will fill us up, and make us feel good. Another drink. That pretty dress. Those awesome shoes.

A quick rundown of the definition of goodness from some trusty (rusty?) online searches consistently yielded the following descriptions:

1. the state or quality of being good.
2. moral excellence; virtue.
3. kindly feeling; kindness; generosity.
4. excellence of quality: goodness of workmanship.
5. the best part of anything; essence; strength.
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I like those two definitions in boldface. The first one, especially, is something that I feel strongly about. There’s good in giving. Kindness and generosity are much greater than hoarding a pile of meaningless objects. It’s a gift that keeps giving, too.
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The best kind of goodness is not material, and can’t be measured. There’s a certain reciprocity that comes from kindness and generosity, not that we should seek it for our own ends, but that in giving freely we are somehow blessed in return.

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